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THE HEROES

TUG DIXON

Reluctant leader and bearer of the original ManBlast™ crotch machine gun, Lieutenant Tug Dixon is a lone wolf in a pack of coyotes. As a child, he never imagined that his testicular fortitude would one day propel him to a role as an elite science battle force leader -- only being recruited after a tragic-yet-awesome BMX accident. With the formation of CockMasters, this once-introverted loser is thrust into a super important leadership role.

RUGBURN

This flame-throwing maverick with the rad mustache is a real man of action; he drives his Fiero fast, pumps his stereo loud, and treats his ladies right. Randy "Rugburn" Rancillo has built his life around the aspiration of being an elite science battle force leader, but his hot shot attitude and poor academic scores had stifled his fire. But when the ManBlast™ scientists put out a notice for brave CockMaster volunteers, he was the first to come forward to consciously man-up for the painful-but-honorable transformation. If Tug Dixon is the brains of the operation, then Rugburn is the burning heart.

LOADOUT

Jermaine "Loadout" Bishop was recruited for his natural urban marketability (think Lou Gossett Jr. meets Mr. T). Once considered an elite amateur breakdancing champion, this massive but flexible hand-to-hand specialist can fuck up any turkey that gets in his way. And if that doesn't work, the big barrel between his legs will do just fine. Speaking solely in catch phrases, this black superhero can always be relied upon for an emotional charge.

THE VILLAINS: G.N.A.W.

SCROTAR

Commodore General Wilhelm Scrotar is the twisted master of G.N.A.W. Always the outcast growing up, Scrotar tinkered with his transistor radio while the popular boys wrestled. Aligning himself with the far left, Scrotar rapidly climbed the liberal ranks to eventually become President of Greenpeace, where he was ultimately unseated for espousing outlandish conspiracy theories like "global warming." Operating in the shadows, Scrotar surrounded himself with evil techno-wizards intent on making personal computers smaller, faster, and connected all over the world. With such bizarre gadgetry, his capabilities are completely unknown--and the CockMasters prefer not to find out.

BUZZCOCK

This Cockney demolitions expert has a thick accent and punk rock attitude. We cannot understand a word he says, but it's safe to assume he's hurling insults as he uses his wicked solar-powered chainsaw to cut down factory smoke stacks, attack the peaceful paper manufacturers, and promote his perverted "Project R.E.C.Y.C.L.E. which is no-doubt an evil operation.